I wasn’t sure what to do with the mouse boss so his body language is a little stiff – maybe I should’ve gone with a folded arms pose or something – dunno. Also I think I should’ve made him a bit smaller.
In contrast, I like the mouse employee’s pose. It works pretty well for the concept – twisted in his chair with his gaze towards the mousetrap. The mousetrap itself is nicely placed in the composition with the fade to white helping to emphasize it.
The final punchline is a lot shorter from my original version and I like how the word severance has two different meanings here. Heads will roll in the layoffs…
The original long winded punchline was “the bad news is that you’ve been laid off. The good news is that we’ve prepared a very generous severance package” which is way too long a punchline for a concept this straightforward.